I have always hated being given unsolicited advice. If I ask for your opinion, I will welcome what you have to say. But if I haven’t opened up the floor for others to share feedback, I’m probably not interested. Especially if you want to be extremely patronizing!
One curious Reddit user asked others to share the most condescending advice they’ve ever received, and people did not disappoint. From strangers making assumptions about anything from a person’s income to their physical strength, we’ve gathered the most infuriating stories below. Keep reading to also find a conversation with Modern Therapy‘s Gabriela Ortiz, LPC, and be sure to upvote the condescending tips that would make you roll your eyes!
My mom runs into this all the time. No specific examples exactly, but people will talk down to her or treat her badly because all they see is a jobless single mom on disability. What they don’t know is she got her undergraduate summa cum laude, and then her MALS from Dartmouth College while she was pregnant with me. This was while being married to a toxic, abusive jerk and struggling with physical and mental health issues. She is my hero and I’m very proud of her.
I’m a film producer. I look 20yo but I’m significantly older and more experienced than I look. I’m also a woman which can get you mixed results on the best of days.
On set, I just type away at my laptop and do menial work just to make sure all the holes are plugged up and no one is s******g the bed. I guess one camera assist saw this and thought I was a PA. His response was to flash me a handbook for the fancy camera we were using and tell me to “read up, so you’ll actually learn something”. I asked him what the f**k he thought I was doing, asked his name, and made it clear that I paid his bills.
Gig night, still a few bands to go before we go on stage. I’m at the bar checking people out and having beers, because stuff’s boring. Guy comes up to me, sees my band shirt, doesn’t recognize me (which is totally OK, I like it better that way), proceeds to nag my ears of about our music, trying real hard to go into technical musicalities, which again, is OK, you do you.
Up until the point where he slams one of my songs, saying he doesn’t get why the f**k it’s in F# minor. I tell him he must be mistaken, because the song is very much in A minor. Douche says “Um, you obviously don’t have the necessary musical capabilities to recognize the correct tonality when you hear it. Come back when you’ve actually taken some music lessons.”
B***h. I wrote the thing. It’s in A minor. I’ve been playing it for years. In A minor.
To learn more about condescending behavior and where it comes from, we reached out to Modern Therapy‘s Gabriela Ortiz, LPC, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda.
“Condescending behaviors can be a defense mechanism used by individuals who have insecurities, are afraid to show vulnerability, or want to assert superiority (due to underlying feelings of inferiority),” Gabriela shared. “Individuals with condescending behaviors might use this as a method to draw attention away from their own insecurities or gain a sense of control in social interactions.”
I studied music and guitar making for years, which means that I know how to use a band saw, and many other wood tools. I can literally make a guitar out of a bunch of logs.
Everytime I meet a guy who plays guitar he tries to explain me how it works and how it’s made and even after I tell them that I’m a guitar maker, they still try to prove that they know better. (I’m a girl)
Same when I say anything related to wood working, nobody will take it seriously. I was often told to “go back in the kitchen”…
I chose to live with my parents even after I finished my education and had the means to move out on my own because my mother was always ill and needed the help. An acquaintance mentioned to me one time at a party in front of everyone that she earns 65,000 a year which is why she’s able to live on her own and I should aim for a salary like that so I could “finally be self-sufficient” – I smiled at her.
I was making 6 figures.
This happened a week ago.
I’m a 30 year old woman and I manage a grocery store. Our store got lucky and we were chosen to host a hiring event for assistant department managers because our office is a bit bigger than most of the stores in the area. An older guy was peering at the meat counter and I walked up to him and asked him if he needed help because I didnt see anybody behind the counter and he said, “I doubt it. I’m waiting for my interview for assistant manager and I have an insane amount of experience.”
He then spots the meat department manager behind me (who happens to be another guy in his 40s) and dismisses me entirely.
I shrug it off and head to the back to get the interviews started.
Guess who my first interviewee was?
Gabriela also noted that we often assume that condescending people intend to insult and hurt others, but in reality, it can also be done unintentionally. “This is because people who condescend have little to no self-awareness of why they’re even doing it in the first place. They lack the consciousness of monitoring themselves to learn healthier ways of confronting their insecurities,” the counselor explained. “Therefore, they often do not realize that their behavior is problematic and hurtful to others.”
God every time I tell people I work from home as a romance author. You can see in their faces they mentally adjust my IQ to something significantly below zero. I then get to listen to their oh so original ideas for the novel they’re either going to write when they retire, or have been “working on” for the past 5+ years. Men especially love to give me writing tips and advice and suggestions.
I’ve been writing for 20 years. I’m very niche (queer fantasy romance) but good at what I do and popular in my tiny circle. I seldom make less than 5k a month and have several awards to my name. But thanks for the advice, bro.
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